♥

"I'm so sorry for the last few days and the rest. If there was some way I could show you i would. As i look at the photos of us i remember how happy we were. I'm 100% sure that we are going to be better and happier than that soon. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. SO we are going to be stronger together and as a person. You're the first and last thing i think about everyday, i can't imagine my life without you. I love you so very much, and will do for a very long time. xxxx"

It's okay, we're okay again.

he loves me so much

i only love 115 things about you.

What I love about Kieran Fitzgerald White:

1.       Loves me unconditionally

2.       Thinks the sun shines out my arse

3.       Trustful

4.       Honest

5.       Understanding

6.       Accepts me as what/who I am

7.       Faithful

8.       Funny

9.       Believes in me

10.   Family oriented (my family / his family)

11.   Respectful

12.   Doesn’t do drugs

13.   Is fit and healthy

14.   Has excellent hygiene (fresh Breathe –even in the morning!)

15.   Takes care in his appearance

16.   Willing to help around house –Make my bed J

17.   Likes my baking, loves peanut butter toast too!

18.   Financially secure, has a full time job. Not at all lazy

19.   Willing to go that extra mile to make me happy

20.   Makes me feel secure, save and loved

21.   If we were ever to marry he believes marriage is forever – just like me

22.   Likes animals, wants a puppy just like me!

23.   Intelligent in his own way

24.   Sex is important but not a priority

25.   Is there for me (emotionally and physically)

26.   Is my best friend

27.   Understands the value of a dollar

28.   Genuine good person

29.   Never fails to make me smile/laugh

30.   Is patient with me

31.   Stands up for me

32.   Encourages Me

33.   Surprises me every once in awhile (Just Because he can)

34.   Makes me a priority in his life

35.   Handles Conflict with maturity (willing to talk things through rather than exploding)

36.   Fun

37.   Has Self respect

38.   Very handsome

39.   Has personal goals

40.   Wants to make something out of himself

41.   Likes to just hold me

42.   Doesn’t hold grudges

43.   Builds me up and helps me to be a better woman

44.   Doesn’t make me worry or fearful – Tells me when I’m over thinking things

45.   Does not play video games obsessively

46.   Passionate (about me and his car!)

47.   Doesn’t complain about anything

48.   Romantic

49.   Says what he means

50.   Means what he says

51.   Approachable – wants me to talk to him about everything

52.   Helpful

53.   Adventurous in bed and out

54.   Kind

55.   Has manners – knows his please and thank you

56.   Compassionate

57.   Likes to just walk around the block with me

58.   Not an alcoholic

59.   Supports me emotionally

60.   Takes time to plan dates and things to do

61.   Has ambition

62.   Has patience

63.   Never ceases to amaze me

64.   Keeps his hands to himself when necessary

65.   Hold my hand – Even in front of his work mates

66.   Wants me to be his and only his

67.   Someone I can confide in

68.   Like to go out and have a drink and chill (not a wild part animal)

69.   Willing to do tedious work if needed

70.   Has a sense of humour

71.   Understands my sense of humour

72.   Loves my dancing! J

73.   Makes me smile

74.   Is sincerely proud of me

75.   Proud to call me his girlfriend

76.   Proud of who I am

77.   Compliments me to his friends, my friends and family with or without me around

78.   Overly generous – not at all stingy

79.   Willing to share is food with me

80.   Believes in a future

81.   Wants children one day

82.   Supports my degree and understands how important it is to me

83.   Will stay up just to talk to me

84.   Will let me have my favourite spot – most of the time! AND IS THE BIG SPOON

85.   Doesn’t take me for granted

86.   In touch with his sensitive side

87.   Can appreciate the small things in live – beauty in nature

88.   Non smoker

89.   Never disrespectful – keeps our private live, private

90.   Likes to go on random adventures with me  

91.   Laid back

92.   Willing to let me go out with my friends

93.   Likes my friends

94.   Taller than me

95.   Will take care of me when I’m sick

96.   Tells me I’m beautiful and really believes it

97.   Protective

98.   Would do anything in the world for me

99.   Willing to try new things with me

100.     Makes me feel like I’m helping him become a better person

101.     Builds me up and helps me to be a better woman

102.     Helping me believe in love again

103.     Always smells good – thanks to me!

104.     Doesn’t live in the past – doesn’t let bad experiences change him

105.     Exercises with me – pushes me  

106.     Motivated – has up and go

107.     Doesn’t have anger issues

108.     Won’t ever try change me

109.     Likes the same things I do

110.     Laughs and me and at himself too

111.     Does the right thing

112.     Likes music, movies and entertainment – likes to do things

113.     Will always be there when I need him

114.     Will do silly things with me, has a silly heart and loves mine

115.     Good, safe confident driver

Sometimes I wish it snowed where I live. Apparently when it snows things become clear. I recon it’s just what I need. If it did, I’d sit and watch it and somehow I know it will cause some great epiphany and I’ll understand the meaning of life. Okay, so maybe that’s a little too far but I seriously need some great eye opener. I’m living in a state of massive confusion. I’m being so dumb. This ramble is over boys, boys! I really do get that they are not such a big deal but somehow my hardest times have been because of them. They cause so much personal drama and I really don’t understand it.

In the beginning – I was 15. I met this boy, and a boy he was. I’m not really sure why he made such a dramatic impact in my life but it seems like my entire world still revolves around him, which it crazy. He wasn’t the most special person, he didn’t treat me right, or say the right things, and he didn’t make me feel incredible because of his actions but when he noticed me, really noticed me. He made my life stand still. He became my life, which I now know wasn’t his fault, I allowed all the injustice, I made it acceptable for him to treat me as he did. I tried so hard with him, I held on so tightly that eventually he popped right out of my grasp. I understand everything happens for a reason (cliché I know) but really, what gave him the right to ruin me? What gives him the right to make me feel so small and worthless? It’s been almost 3 years now; I’ve had 3 years to go over everything in my head more times than I like to believe and nothing has changed. I still want him, I want his affection and most of all I want that feeling of invincibility get gave me when he noticed me.

Right now I have someone else; he is the real ‘McCoy’ he doesn’t have to pretend. It’s all natural. He’s an honest-to-god good person and I can’t appreciate it. I sit and watch him pour out everything to me and I look back at him with no emotion. How is it fair or just of me to do this to someone like him? It’s so unjustified. I want to be a better me, for him. I want to give him back what he gives me. He is so considerate and I can’t match that. Something has to give; I can’t keep doing what I’m doing. It’s going to eat me up inside and I’ll be left emptier than I ever started.

The problem is I’m so unsure of what I want. I know what I need and maybe I should just go with that. I think sometimes when people look back on the past their personal opinion has casted a shadow on what was reality. Once and for all I must let go of the past, give in to what I deserve, forget what I don’t and move on to bigger and better things.  

What am I to do? It’s been less than 12 hours since I said I needed time to think things over and the time has driven me crazy. I guess I miss him, or maybe I want to miss him more than I do. At the end of the day if I permanently say goodbye I’ll regret it. I’ll miss being treated like I’m the most amazing person in the world when clearly I’m not. He’s just an incredible ego boost and it would be so foolish to let of that over a shadowy memory.

Time will tell.

All I really know is that I must let go of the one who is holding me back because it’s damaging. Maybe me and Mr. Right aren’t so right but I guess the only thing I can do is give it my all, don’t look back, don’t hold back. Fall in love like I should do and if it doesn’t work I’ll know I really did try my best to make it work.

I’ll tell him I’m ready, ready to give him my all.

Him and only him. Once and for all.

 

to break or not to break . . .

I think there's no single answer to this question.

I know taking breaks in relationships is always a sign of serious strain and troubles.

Sometimes, taking a break may be a sign of an imminent breakup.

And sometimes it could be the beginning of something wonderful.

Either way, it's important to take the time to work on yourself, to make yourself stronger and more independent.

Most likely there is an imbalance of power in the relationship which needs to be altered. 

It may have been a little too smothering and clingy.

I feel I'm distancing myself, and may have been caught in that vicious cycle for a long time.

If handled correctly I believe a break can be an opportunity to readjust that imbalance.

If we are able to keep our cool, take care of ourselves on our own, and not seem too desperate, we will gain a lot of worth both in my own eyes and those of my  partners.

 

 

Think of something really hard you've had to go through in the past.

Well, you survived it. You're alive, aren't you?

Think about that the next time you're going through a really hard time.

You'll pull through. You'll survice.You are strong.

Your skin may tear, and your bones may break, but your soul?

Your soul can never be irreversibly damaged.

The good things in life ♥

- Falling asleep to the sound of the rain

- Staying in your PJ's all day long

- Kisses & Cuddles

- Finding something lost

- Noticing something you never have before

- Being scared and holding onto someone

- Deep talks with your best friend

- When someone notices you've had a hair cut

- Finally understanding something

- Being trusted with a secret

- Playing your favorite song on repeat

- Microwaved marshmallow's & curly fries

-Holidaying somewhere hot

- Kieran♥

more to come...

" I wish I could be a better me.  For you.

♥

♥

Did you ever wish on eyelashes? You know -- you find a stray eyelash, place it on the tip of your finger, close your eyes, make a wish and blow? And then, if the eyelash is gone when you open your eyes your wish will come true! I used to do that all the time. Not so much anymore, but it's a fun memory.



Love what you dream, dream what you love ♥

i♥bw

Photo no. 1 together, EVER ♥

foriva.

Ιάσονας

Have you ever caught a scent that triggered a memory?

I just had one. Let me take a moment to back up and set up the scene.

I wasn’t here. I was a long way, away.

I was at his house, it felt like home as I had no home. Not at that time, he knew me in a place where I didn’t even know myself. He was kind, loving and I was lucky. So lucky.

I believe that everything happens for a reason whether it be good or bad. I still remember that night we met like it was yesterday. It was dare I say it, fate. We talked a lot, he told me about his life, and I told him about mine. We were so different, I don’t think we could have possibly been more different, but for that short moment in time, we worked.

We did so much in a very short space of time. It flew by so quickly and now, as I look back I hold on to those memories as if they are real things. They teach me, guide me and show me how precious individual moments can be. I’ve always loved how a photograph can capture a moment before it’s gone forever. I won’t ever get those times back, I know that. But with my photos of that amazing summer, I’ll have a part of it with me, forever.

I’ll never forget that last night, it was cold. I’ve never been so cold – inside and out. I found out that night that the hardest part of saying goodbye is letting go. Not only physically letting go, although that was a feat in itself but mentally letting go and realising that it was the end of something wonderful. I didn’t say goodbye, I couldn’t bring myself to. My final words were “cya” Remember?

Back to the memory, it was something so simple.

Just this new shower gel my brother uses. It was the same one I got with you from Tesco’s.

As I smelt it, I shut my eyes for a brief moment I was back with you.

- Cya